well i decided to go ahead and do chemo today. i wasn't going to when i originally left home yesterday. but a visit with grandma and a nice warm comfy bed for a good night's sleep lifted my spirits and made me feel ready enough to tackle this monster again. people keep saying how strong i am, but i really don't think so. i have a bunch of days where i do nothing but be depressed. those days i just it around watching movies and crying. its terrible. but today i felt ready to take it on. even on the days i want to give up, deep down i know i want to live.

the visit with grandma went well. i'm really getting to know her pretty well. she's funny and sweet and i really enjoy just sitting around talking with her. well i'm going to go now. my back is sore from leaning over the computer. ttfn.