I got another fever tonight. That means I have two more days here at least. I can't stand this stuff anymore. I spent all last week in the hospital and it looks like I'll spend another one in too. A lot of people have told me to pray about whether I should quit chemo or not. Honestly, God and I haven't been on speaking terms for awhile. What have I done to deserve this? And if its to learn a lesson or "make me stronger", when is this test going to be over? I'll tell you when its over. Nov.7 . My body has been telling me it can't take much more of this and spending this much time in the hospital miserable has told me I'm through. Have you ever woken up every morning for weeks at a time wishing you had the guts to just kill yourself and get it over with already? Thats been me lately. I've never felt this hopeless before. I'm sick of suffering. I'm going to make it stop.