By the end of this I'm going to want to burn Marshfield to the ground. I want to already, but all those matches and gas (especially at the prices gas is at now), I'm just too poor to do so.
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I had more appointments today. These ones were specifically about the surgery I'll have on April 13th. It sounded like the surgery will be pretty risky. There's a nerve that runs right alongside the radius bone (the evil cancerous bone). A lot of times its hard to find, and if the surgeon can't find it right away and cuts it, I lose all movement in my wrist and hand. If that happens, they'll have to do tendon transfers from my fingers (there are two tendons on each finger) to my wrist to regain some movement. The movement they can get back is opening and closing the fingers into a fist and back out. But that would only be done with all the fingers moving together, they would no longer move independently. Translation: goodbye piano and sax. I spent over 10 years practicing and enjoying piano. Its one of the most therapeutic things that I've kept doing through all of this, and there's a very good chance it'll be gone in the slip of a knife. It tears me up inside. It really does. As if it isn't enough with robbing me of my running, God has to go take away my music too. What am I left with? Memories of how things used to be and having no amount of physical therapy that can bring it back. Why couldn't I have been born one of those people who are unintersted in making music? I could get along if I never had developed such a passion for it. The one arm forearm thing kind of scares me too. They're going to chop both bones in half and take a piece of each to make one big bone. Plates and screws will hold it together. If it doesn't fit together just so, they're going to take bone from my hip. Oh joy. Another place that will hurt like hell for a week or two. This story just keeps getting better. I heard this all today, mind you. Too overwhelming. I knew it'd be more intense than the biopsy, but I never imagined all these complications. I'll be in the hospital for 3-5 days afterwards. Don't send flowers, send money to my boyfriend so he can fly up here to see me. I'm so scared and I just need him here to hold my hand.......
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I had more appointments today. These ones were specifically about the surgery I'll have on April 13th. It sounded like the surgery will be pretty risky. There's a nerve that runs right alongside the radius bone (the evil cancerous bone). A lot of times its hard to find, and if the surgeon can't find it right away and cuts it, I lose all movement in my wrist and hand. If that happens, they'll have to do tendon transfers from my fingers (there are two tendons on each finger) to my wrist to regain some movement. The movement they can get back is opening and closing the fingers into a fist and back out. But that would only be done with all the fingers moving together, they would no longer move independently. Translation: goodbye piano and sax. I spent over 10 years practicing and enjoying piano. Its one of the most therapeutic things that I've kept doing through all of this, and there's a very good chance it'll be gone in the slip of a knife. It tears me up inside. It really does. As if it isn't enough with robbing me of my running, God has to go take away my music too. What am I left with? Memories of how things used to be and having no amount of physical therapy that can bring it back. Why couldn't I have been born one of those people who are unintersted in making music? I could get along if I never had developed such a passion for it. The one arm forearm thing kind of scares me too. They're going to chop both bones in half and take a piece of each to make one big bone. Plates and screws will hold it together. If it doesn't fit together just so, they're going to take bone from my hip. Oh joy. Another place that will hurt like hell for a week or two. This story just keeps getting better. I heard this all today, mind you. Too overwhelming. I knew it'd be more intense than the biopsy, but I never imagined all these complications. I'll be in the hospital for 3-5 days afterwards. Don't send flowers, send money to my boyfriend so he can fly up here to see me. I'm so scared and I just need him here to hold my hand.......
posted by Karen | 12:28 AM
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