I sure haven't written a lot lately. Its annoying to type one-handed. Sooo slow.. On Tuesday, I was feeling really lonely and decided that I needed to go see my Central friends again, one more time before the end of the year. A couple of them are graduating in a few weeks and if I didn't see them soon, who knows when the next time will be. Also, my parents volunteered to pay for the trip.
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So here I am now, good old CMU again. It feels nice to be back, but it feels awkward at the same time. Visiting isn't the same as living there.
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The plane trip was fun. I always get nervous on the takeoff. But then I just chew my gum and take deep breaths. I think its the suddenness of takeoff thats so scary. You're cruising along really fast along the runway and then, bam, you're floating.....and continue to drift up and up and up. I always try to find my house when we take off but I've never found it. Usually we fly on the wrong side of Fumee Mountain to see it, but this time we didn't. I think we flew diectly over my house. I could see the woods behind my house.
I don't like to look straight down when I look out the window, it makes things seem too real. I can look out the window and see everything, but it seems fake so I'm not all that afraid. There sure is a difference flying over the UP versus the LP. The UP is so hilly and covered with trees. It was a little foggy this morning, so it made for a pretty gorgeous view. I also got to see the sun rise without trees and hills in the way.
The plane was packed. It only sits about six people, but every seat was full. A blind woman sat next to me and her dog was between my seat and hers. I know seeing eye dogs are supposed to be well mannered, but I've never seen one before and was surprised how well it listened and behaved on the flight. I hardly noticed a dog was there at all. Jordan's mom was on the plane too. I haven't seen her since my senior year of high school. We talked about how things were going for him at the AFA in CO. It sounds rough. Air Force is the military though, so obviously it won't be easy. But there's an added element to military academies than just schoolwork: drills, etc. I definitely admire anyone who can tackle both college and the air force at once.
I like flying, especially with Superior. There are no day-long layovers in unfamiliar cities, no lost luggage, no high security. The itty-bitty plane (Eleanor calls a "mosquito") is kind of fun too. Its like flying in a barrel. Sometimes passengers get to ride in the co-pilot's seat... maybe I'll get to do that once. They can wear the headphones too so its like pretending you ARE the co-pilot. They just don't let you touch anything (bummer, hey?)
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I've got a new cast now. I had to go to Marshfield on Wednesday to get the dressing changed on my arm. I was expecting a really beat up arm, with bruises and dried blood everywhere, but I was surprised what I saw. It looked pretty much how it did before surgery except for swelling and the staples that ran from halfway between my elbow and shoulder to just about my wrist. There are a couple of staples on my forearm on the underside as well. In my left arm, I bet there are over 30 staples. There are around 10 in my hip. Since I got out of the hospital, my fingers have been showing almost miraculous speedy recovery. After I broke my arm the first time, it took almost a month for me to get any use of my fingers back. Now, only a week later, I'm beginning to do some piano rehab and right now I'm actually typing with both hands!!! The surgeons were so surprised when they saw what I could do with my fingers. One surgeon was meeting with me first and then the second one came in. The first was so excited and said, "take a look at what she can do with her fingers!!". I moved my fingers just how I had practiced to get them working again. It wasn't nearly what I expect my hands to do, but they were obviously impressed with my progress. The second surgeon got a priceless surprised look on his face and said "woah, yes!!" The look he gave me is still engraved in my mind. The pathology report also came back. Over 90% of the primary tumor was dead when they examined it. That means that the suffering through chemotherapy has not been in vain. Margins of normal tissue around the tumor were great enough that its safe to assume that they got all of the cancer out in surgery. As far as all the tests show, I'm cancer free right now. It feels good. I was worried after they told me I had a tumor in my arm that it would spread while I was on chemo and that treatment wouldn't work. But now we know, that it's definitely doing its job. Radiation is still in the plan. There may be drifting cells (previously mentioned as "turds") within my arm still. Being that I only have one bone in my forearm now, if I had local recurrence, my arm would have to be amputated. So I'm ok with the idea of radiation. Its going to be in a lower dose than if there were a visible tumor, so that's good. Also, chemo will keep on going. That's for the same reason that we're going to do radiation. For those little cancer turds. They will all DIE DIE DIE and I wil be cured. :) Or at least thats the plan. Even though the surgery was scary and painful, I'm kinda glad I had it for reasons other than getting rid of the tumor. It provides more scientific evidence that boosts my chance for a cure. Not remission, a cure. That gives me plenty reason to smile.
--
So here I am now, good old CMU again. It feels nice to be back, but it feels awkward at the same time. Visiting isn't the same as living there.
--
The plane trip was fun. I always get nervous on the takeoff. But then I just chew my gum and take deep breaths. I think its the suddenness of takeoff thats so scary. You're cruising along really fast along the runway and then, bam, you're floating.....and continue to drift up and up and up. I always try to find my house when we take off but I've never found it. Usually we fly on the wrong side of Fumee Mountain to see it, but this time we didn't. I think we flew diectly over my house. I could see the woods behind my house.
I don't like to look straight down when I look out the window, it makes things seem too real. I can look out the window and see everything, but it seems fake so I'm not all that afraid. There sure is a difference flying over the UP versus the LP. The UP is so hilly and covered with trees. It was a little foggy this morning, so it made for a pretty gorgeous view. I also got to see the sun rise without trees and hills in the way.
The plane was packed. It only sits about six people, but every seat was full. A blind woman sat next to me and her dog was between my seat and hers. I know seeing eye dogs are supposed to be well mannered, but I've never seen one before and was surprised how well it listened and behaved on the flight. I hardly noticed a dog was there at all. Jordan's mom was on the plane too. I haven't seen her since my senior year of high school. We talked about how things were going for him at the AFA in CO. It sounds rough. Air Force is the military though, so obviously it won't be easy. But there's an added element to military academies than just schoolwork: drills, etc. I definitely admire anyone who can tackle both college and the air force at once.
I like flying, especially with Superior. There are no day-long layovers in unfamiliar cities, no lost luggage, no high security. The itty-bitty plane (Eleanor calls a "mosquito") is kind of fun too. Its like flying in a barrel. Sometimes passengers get to ride in the co-pilot's seat... maybe I'll get to do that once. They can wear the headphones too so its like pretending you ARE the co-pilot. They just don't let you touch anything (bummer, hey?)
--
I've got a new cast now. I had to go to Marshfield on Wednesday to get the dressing changed on my arm. I was expecting a really beat up arm, with bruises and dried blood everywhere, but I was surprised what I saw. It looked pretty much how it did before surgery except for swelling and the staples that ran from halfway between my elbow and shoulder to just about my wrist. There are a couple of staples on my forearm on the underside as well. In my left arm, I bet there are over 30 staples. There are around 10 in my hip. Since I got out of the hospital, my fingers have been showing almost miraculous speedy recovery. After I broke my arm the first time, it took almost a month for me to get any use of my fingers back. Now, only a week later, I'm beginning to do some piano rehab and right now I'm actually typing with both hands!!! The surgeons were so surprised when they saw what I could do with my fingers. One surgeon was meeting with me first and then the second one came in. The first was so excited and said, "take a look at what she can do with her fingers!!". I moved my fingers just how I had practiced to get them working again. It wasn't nearly what I expect my hands to do, but they were obviously impressed with my progress. The second surgeon got a priceless surprised look on his face and said "woah, yes!!" The look he gave me is still engraved in my mind. The pathology report also came back. Over 90% of the primary tumor was dead when they examined it. That means that the suffering through chemotherapy has not been in vain. Margins of normal tissue around the tumor were great enough that its safe to assume that they got all of the cancer out in surgery. As far as all the tests show, I'm cancer free right now. It feels good. I was worried after they told me I had a tumor in my arm that it would spread while I was on chemo and that treatment wouldn't work. But now we know, that it's definitely doing its job. Radiation is still in the plan. There may be drifting cells (previously mentioned as "turds") within my arm still. Being that I only have one bone in my forearm now, if I had local recurrence, my arm would have to be amputated. So I'm ok with the idea of radiation. Its going to be in a lower dose than if there were a visible tumor, so that's good. Also, chemo will keep on going. That's for the same reason that we're going to do radiation. For those little cancer turds. They will all DIE DIE DIE and I wil be cured. :) Or at least thats the plan. Even though the surgery was scary and painful, I'm kinda glad I had it for reasons other than getting rid of the tumor. It provides more scientific evidence that boosts my chance for a cure. Not remission, a cure. That gives me plenty reason to smile.
posted by Karen | 11:39 PM
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